When You Need Clarity, Keep Moving Forward
Clarity comes with action, not contemplation
Hello, friend. How often do you experience clarity in your life? Does it ever feel elusive or hard to come by? When you receive clarity, does its origin seem to be a mystery?
If you identify with any of this, you’re in good company with me! I’ve often struggled with how to go about even seeking clarity, let alone how to obtain it.
Whether I’m pondering a minor decision such as what to make for dinner, a major decision such as how to revise my budget during a period of financial insecurity, or an internal dilemma such as why it’s so hard for me to release shame, I’ve noticed that the longer I sit and think about it, the more I’m prone to feeling anxiety. Each hour or day that goes by without any clarity gained feels like extra weight on my shoulders, gradually getting heavier and heavier.
But I have learned a few things that help me seek and find clarity a bit more easily than I used to, and I’m happy to share these insights in case they might help you, too. This is the first of a series in which I’ll be unpacking the gifts of slowing down that I’ve described in my previous posts, The Gifts of Slowing Down and More Gifts of Slowing Down.
As an introvert, I love contemplation. Living inside my head isn’t always easy or pleasant, but it feels more like home to me than anywhere else. I can spend hours just sitting quietly in one place reading a book, journaling, Googling random questions, and looking out my window. Contemplating what I’ve read or learned is one of my most favorite pastimes, second only to actual reading and learning.
This is probably why it took me such a long time to figure out that contemplation is merely a warm-up exercise for finding clarity, not the journey that leads me to it. The most important insight I’ve learned?
Clarity comes with action, not contemplation. (HT Cathy Heller, from whom I first heard this epiphany a few years ago on her podcast.)
When you need clarity about anything—a life transition, a career decision, next week’s meal plan, or the anxiety you’ve been carrying—the best way to find it is to keep moving forward.
I’m speaking very broadly here. You don’t need to be constantly on the move or taking visible actions all day long—actually, a nonstop treadmill mindset like this will make clarity harder to find. (Take it from my own experience.) But if you continue showing up every day and living your life, clarity will eventually show up for you.
Here are a few ways to keep moving forward. Some of them may surprise you!
Take one small action at a time
When I become obsessed with frantic busy-making—moving from one task or activity to another without stopping to take a breath—this tends to chase clarity away, rather than bringing it to me. However, when I take one small, intentional action at a time, giving it my full respect and attention, I can uncover clarity—not all at once, but bit by bit.
Think about a time when you were in the dark, literally: walking back to a campsite after a late-night trip to the restroom, fumbling through a cluttered room during a power outage, or driving down a narrow, rural lane while surrounded by a thick fog. What kind of light did you have? A flashlight, a flickering candle, or maybe two hazy beams from the headlights of your car? It was probably just enough to illuminate the path right in front of you, right?
This is often how I experience clarity in my life. Once in a while, I receive an epiphany so brilliant and awe-inspiring that it eclipses everything around me. Most of the time, though, I receive just enough clarity to light my way one or two steps ahead. If I allow anxiety to keep me rooted in one place, afraid to move, I can’t see my path at all—everything around me is darkness. But if I take one small, brave step forward in faith, I can see a little farther, and if I take another small step after that, I can see even farther. I don’t have to know if this one tiny action is going to lead me in the right direction; I just need to gather a little courage and trust that, by moving forward in any direction at all, I’ll know more than I did before. Gradually, I figure out where I need to go—and if the path I’m on isn’t taking me there, I can take a small step in a different direction.
Here’s a very recent example: For years, I hemmed and hawed about the possibility of starting a blog. Now, I will give myself some slack—as a multi-passionate person, finding focus among my many diverse interests can be challenging. But once I finally landed on a topic I felt excited about exploring, I decided it was time to take a small, brave step forward. And so I started writing this newsletter. With each post that I write, edit, design, and publish, I’m gradually receiving more clarity about what lights me up. If I’d continued to hem and haw without putting myself out there, I might never find out how much I love creating and sharing inspiring content.
Explore different perspectives
The downside of being at home in my head is that I often get stuck in my own circular, well-worn patterns of thinking. At first, I might believe I’m engaging in serious problem-solving, when in fact I’m just regurgitating the same fruitless ruminations over and over again. Then I get frustrated with my perceived lack of ability to solve problems, until finally I realize I’m either trying to reinvent the wheel or—worse yet—attempting to use a cinder block as a wheel! In the meantime, I’m not actually getting anywhere. Can you relate?
One helpful antidote for this is seeking different perspectives. I don’t mean Googling a hundred frantic questions in the hope of reaching a solution in 30 minutes or less (which, I confess, I also have a tendency to do). Just like frantic busy-making, frantic information-gathering is likely to chase clarity away rather than draw it toward us. If you’ve ever scoured the internet at 3 a.m. searching for possible diagnoses of the mysterious pain you’ve been feeling, you know what I mean.
If you are fortunate to have trusted friends, family members, or colleagues in your life to whom you can always reach out, I certainly encourage you to make the most of these valuable relationships (and reciprocate when you can). But sometimes it can be enlightening—and necessary—to seek other sources. Maybe your friends don’t understand what you really need. Maybe no one in your immediate community has encountered what you’re facing. Or maybe you just want a fresh perspective.
In situations like this, I start paying more attention to who else and what else is already in my neighborhood (literally or figuratively) that I may be overlooking. I might suddenly remember that one of my neighbors has experience with my type of dilemma. I might reach out to a friend or former coworker I haven’t been in touch with for a while. Or I’ll explore local organizations that may be able to help me find what I need.
Before you reach out to a new source, I recommend considering whether this person or organization has the capacity, the expertise, and the credibility to help with your specific problem. If you’re not sure, you can always ask, of course—either directly or indirectly (by looking up reviews or asking your trusted contacts). Just be prepared for a possible “no,” and be willing to keep searching until you find the help you need. If you do get a “no,” ask that person or organization if they can point you to another possible source.
Let go
Sometimes the dilemma we’re facing is too big or too perplexing to solve overnight. We’ve done research, we’ve talked to friends, we’ve sought new sources of help, and still we feel like we’re running repeatedly into a brick wall. This is usually a sign that we need to let go for a while. As counterintuitive as it sounds, we can gain clarity when we set aside the problem and just keep living our daily lives.
How is this a way of moving forward? Shifting our focus to other matters is actually a very effective strategy for coaxing clarity toward us. Often, our conscious minds get in the way of our subconscious, which has the extraordinary ability to parse things out and make new connections even when we’re asleep. Have you ever had a marvelous idea seemingly come to you from nowhere while driving, taking a shower, or washing dishes? I certainly have! This is the subconscious at work.
One of my favorite ways to get out of my head (yes, I do get stir-crazy when I’m living in there too much!) is to take a walk in my neighborhood park. Observing all the signs of life around me—people walking their dogs, kids riding bikes, birds singing from the treetops, squirrels chasing each other, trees swaying in the breeze—reminds me the world is much wider than any of my problems. I can’t tell you how many times I have received profound insights on these walks. Exercise of any kind is a great way to let go. It’s also really good for your brain. (Which I keep telling myself in the hope that one day I will get more disciplined with my fitness routine.)
Spending time with other people is another effective way to get out of your head and let go. Meet a friend for lunch, play with your pet, laugh with your kids (or your friend’s kids), or go to your favorite coffee shop and enjoy being part of the crowd for a while.
Wait
If you’ve tried all of the above and you still feel like you’re wandering in a fog, then the best thing to do is simply wait until the fog clears. Last year, when I was so burned out that I felt completely lost and aimless, my good friend Annie Sisson gave me this wonderful advice, which I share with her permission:
“If you’re surrounded by fog and can’t see your path forward, the best thing you can do is hold still. That is the test before you, my friend, is to just trust that the fog will clear. It always does. And a path will emerge. But for now, just hold still. Everything is going to rearrange itself. Some things will fall, other things will show up, but you don’t have to do anything. Right now, your job is just to be still and take care of yourself, and find that center while all of the rearranging happens.”
Like a lifeboat, these words have carried me through many times of doubt, confusion, and bewilderment. I hope they will encourage you, too.
Most of us don’t like to wait. However, waiting does not mean being passive. Although you can rest as much as you need to, you are also free to get on with your day. Waiting is a way of moving forward, because you’re telling the universe you’re not going to let this one dilemma stop you from living your life.
How about you?
Have you tried any of these strategies when seeking clarity in your life? Are there other strategies that have worked for you?
May you receive the clarity you are seeking and keep moving forward until you do. 🐌