Making Space to Rest and Reflect
A mini-retreat practice for when you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a rest stop
How have you been, friend? I recognize that seven plus months have passed since my last post—just over half a year. Once again, I’ve been experiencing a lot of life changes and challenges that have required nearly all the stamina I can give, and I’ve found it difficult to muster the head space for writing a carefully thought out blog post. But here I am, showing up when I can—and I am grateful for you showing up to read this.
When you feel overwhelmed, do you ever find yourself stubbornly pushing even harder, hoping you’ll be able to whittle your to-do list down to a more manageable size—while at the same time your inmost being is crying for rest right now, and not a moment later? If yes, then you’re in good company.
The past several months of my life have given me many opportunities to realize that the more overwhelmed and pressed for time I feel, the more critical it becomes for me to slow down whenever I can and to take care of myself every day. And yet, I can’t honestly say that I’ve been consistently disciplined at putting this into practice. Life is a patient teacher, however, and the lesson shows up for me to learn again and again.
It’s so simple, yet often so hard for me to do: when overwhelm hits, I need to pause, rest, and reflect. What is simple is not always easy, though, right? One mindset shift that has helped me to let go of my stubbornness and surrender to a much-needed rest stop is to remind myself that my to-do list isn’t going anywhere. There will always be more things I can work on, regardless of how productive or unproductive I am on a given day, so there’s no need for me to act as if my life will explode with a dramatic puff of smoke and ashes if I don’t complete all the things on my list this very minute.
Another mindset shift that I have started embodying this year and find really helpful is reframing self-care as a gift I can give myself, rather than just another task I must complete along with all the others on my to-do list. While both tasks and gifts require effort, a gift feels much more special and gratifying than a task (at least to me).
Are you ready to give yourself the gift of self-care and take a rest stop? If yes, I recommend trying the mini-retreat practice outlined below, which is designed around the analogy of life as a cross-country journey. (If you find this analogy unhelpful, you can strip this retreat down to the bare bones of the practice itself and reframe it in your own way.) You can set your own schedule—do all the steps in one session, or split the Rest and Reflect parts into two separate sessions. And you can choose your own pace—do a quick practice in 30 minutes, or spread this out over a couple of hours, even a full day if you have the time. (If you’d like to practice a more in-depth retreat, but you can’t afford to take a lot of time off, try an after-hours sabbatical, which I describe how to do in this earlier Snail Steps post.)
Note: As with all the practices I write about in this newsletter, this is not meant to be prescriptive but merely inspirational. I can share what has worked for me, but I can’t know what will work best for you. Please feel free to take what is helpful and leave the rest, or change it up as you see fit.
Rest
1. Step off the beaten path, take a deep breath, and lay down your burdens.
First things first. When you feel overwhelmed, it’s important to step away from all the busy activity of your day-to-day so you can stop your head from spinning. If you’re at home, find a quiet corner or room where you can tuck yourself away undisturbed for a while. If you’re out, go to an empty conference room, a coffee shop, a park, or some other relatively calm and quiet place where you feel you can be alone with your thoughts even if there are other people around. Put away your smartphone, or at the very least silence notifications. (If you like to play relaxing music on your phone, as I often do, go for it—but try to resist scrolling through apps for a while.)
Make yourself as comfortable as you can in whatever way feels safe and soothing to you—depending on where you are, you may want to lie down in bed, slouch into a cozy armchair, or take a slow stroll. Give yourself permission to mentally unwind, letting go of thoughts about what happened earlier, what you’re planning to do next, or a thorny problem you’re struggling to solve. This is definitely easier said than done, so use any tools are helpful to you—meditation, music, aromatherapy, gentle exercise, etc.
2. What would feel restorative to you right now? Pick one small gift of self-care that you can give yourself and do it.
Make yourself a cup of tea, take a nap, doodle in a sketch book, or whatever will help you wind down. And if you don’t want to lie down or veg in a chair, then maybe active rest—low intensity exercise—is what you need. This Greatist article outlines some examples of active rest that you can try. There are actually seven different kinds of rest—physician Saundra Daulton-Smith describes each of them in this article. But…don’t overthink it. The most important thing is to listen to what your body is telling you it needs and go with that.
Reflect
3. Take a closer look at what you’ve been carrying on your daily life journey. What’s been weighing you down? What’s been lifting you up?
Every now and then, when the backpack I’ve been carrying around day after day starts feeling too heavy, I empty it and sort through all the items. There are essential items I never leave home without that always stay in the backpack, but a lot of surprising finds turn up as well, including items I forgot about or no longer use. Once I remove the extraneous items, I feel so much lighter—not just because my backpack weighs less, but because I’ve downsized to the essentials and it’s easier to find the things I really need and want.
This has also become a helpful analogy for me when contemplating the intangible things I’ve been carrying on my daily life journey. There are essential things I must carry in order to survive and thrive, such as a job to cover my living expenses and the responsibilities of basic self-care (eat, sleep, exercise, etc.). There are things I want to carry that lift me up and put a spring in my step, such as creative hobbies or projects and meaningful relationships with friends and family. And then there are things I’ve been carrying for a long time that may have once helped or fulfilled me but now feel like a burden weighing me down—too many after-hours commitments, for example, or coping mechanisms I’ve outgrown.
Now it’s your turn. Pull out a journal or notes app and spend some time answering these questions:
What are the essential things I must carry to survive and thrive?
What are the things I want to carry that lift me up?
What are some things I’ve been carrying that weigh me down? Do I really need to carry these things? Are they self-inflicted obligations or outdated habits that no longer serve me?
What can I give up to lighten my load? What can I add to replenish my energy?
4. What are the road conditions of the path you’ve been walking? Do you need or want to take a different path?
Sometimes, even when we’re traveling as light as we can on this life journey, there may be rough road conditions on our current path. After many miles of trudging stoically onward, we may have become so accustomed to these conditions that we’re no longer aware how much they’re draining our energy. We may be stuck in a job that is toxic, unfulfilling, or both. We may be struggling with a difficult relationship. We may have a health issue that is affecting our quality of life. Most of us need a job to make ends meet, and most of us face challenges in at least some of our relationships. Mental and physical health issues affect many of us at some point in our lives.
But we don’t always have to stay in these kinds of difficult situations if they are causing us to experience chronic stress. For example, while a job is an essential item most of us need to carry in our backpack, it may be worthwhile looking for a different kind of work or a different employer that will afford us a smoother daily path. While we may need or want certain challenging relationships in our lives, we might want to consider whether they are worth saving or whether we need to walk away. Perhaps we’ve been tolerating or struggling with a chronic health condition for so long on our own that we’re just now realizing it’s become too difficult and we need some additional guidance, support, or resources.
Consider these questions:
Have you been encountering steep or treacherous road conditions on your current path lately?
Is this a manageable obstacle that you can move out of the way, or a temporary rough patch that will soon be behind you?
If not, how do you feel about looking for a different path?
No need to attempt a deep self-evaluation or come up with a solution right now—just take a few minutes to be still and observe whatever insights surface from your mind, body, or heart. Jot down any emotions, concerns, or ideas that you’d like to ponder at a later date and time, when you feel better rested.
5. What resources do you need for your journey ahead?
Finally, take a few minutes to consider what kinds of resources might help you manage the load you’re carrying or the path you’re walking. Do you feel that you need guidance? Perhaps some career advice, mental health counseling, or a heart-to-heart talk with a trusted friend? Are you in need of restorative help, like a massage, a fitness class, or a nutrition plan? Would additional tools be helpful? Maybe you’d like to read a book about a particular topic, get a yoga mat to do some daily gentle stretches, or find a meditation app. How about some nourishing snacks for the road (for your body and/or your soul)? You might want to stock up on bath bombs, energy bars, coloring books and crayons, or a few novels.
Again, don’t push yourself to figure out all the details immediately. After all, you’re taking a rest stop, not working on a master plan. Just observe anything that naturally occurs to you during this reflection time and make a note to explore options later.
How about you?
What do you think about using the backpack analogy to sort through and reflect on the intangible things you’ve been carrying on your life journey? Do any of these reflection questions sound helpful? What are some other activities that you find restorative? I hope the suggested practices in this post inspire you to create your own mini retreat that nourishes you according to your unique situation and needs.
May you be able to discern and release the things that are weighing you down, so you can make room for more things that lift you up and give you a spring in your step. And may you find the guidance, support, and resources you need to keep walking forward, wherever you’re heading on your life journey. 🐌